HELP HIM!

Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually
believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl
in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough
money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling
freak show.

tänud garf‘ile :) Aga ärge siis unustage ka edasi lugemist.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and
everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every Playboy
Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser
in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower
and if it makes it to the year 2000, it’ll be in the Guinness Book of World
Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

Fuck them!

If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
fucking amusing. I’ve seen all the ‘send this to 50 of your closest
friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a
Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don’t
fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually
contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it’s your own
unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)

Make a wish!!!

Keep Scrolling

No, really, go on and make one!!!

Oh please, they’ll never go out with you!!!
Wish something else!!!

Not that, you pervert!!

STOP!!!!

Wasn’t that fun? :)
Hope you made a great wish :)

Now, to make you feel guilty, here’s what I’ll do. First of all, if you
don’t send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped
by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.

It’s true! Because, THIS letter isn’t like those fake ones, THIS one is
TRUE!! Really!!! Here’s how it goes:

*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.

*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.

*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house.
Thanks!!!!
Good Luck!!!

Chain Letter Type 2

Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a
starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no
parents, and no goats. This little boy’s life could be saved, because for every
time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund.

Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent
and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this
to 5 people in the next 47 seconds.

Oh, and a reminder – if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you
will die instantly.

Thanks again!!

Chain Letter Type 3

Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not
as many sad pricks with nothing better to do.

So this is how it works… Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7
minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

*Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had
recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell
nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and
ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey,
some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed
to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity.

This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like
Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and
everything will be okay.

Chain Letter Type 4

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
Send it to all your friends.

FRIENDS:

A friend is someone who is always at your side.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and
your breath smells like you’ve been eating catfood.

A friend is someone who likes you even though you’re as ugly as a hat
full of assholes.

A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you’ve soiled yourself.

A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
your sad, sad life.

A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.

A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the
check and leaves and doesn’t speak much English…no, sorry that’s the
cleaning lady.

A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his
wish of being rich to come true.

Now pass this on! If you don’t, you’ll never have sex ever again!

The point being? If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to
leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it’s
funny, send it on. Don’t piss people off by making them feel guilty
about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who’s been tied to a dead elephant for
27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he’ll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you’ll end up like Miranda. Right?

Now forward this to everyone that you know otherwise you’ll find all
your knickers missing tomorrow morning.

————————————————————————
*From:* Aleksei Shamonin [mailto:aleksei@julianus.ee]
*Sent:* teisipäev, 15. veebruar 2005 9:45
*To:* Huumor
*Subject:* [humor@solo]Fw: Lõpuks ometi!

Siin on lõpuks ometi üks korralik Kettkiri. Meestele siis…

Erinevalt tavalistest kettkirjadest ei siin midagi kaotada, vaid
ainult võita!

Saada see kiri edasi 9 sõbrale (kindlasti meesterahvastele, mitte
naistele).

Õpetus:

Paki oma naine/tüdruksõber suurde kasti. Ära unusta õhuauke ja saada
nimekirjas esimesel kohal olevale inimesele.

Varsti on sinu nimi esimene ja siis saadetakse sulle 823 542 naist.

Statistika järgi on seal hulgas:

0,5-1 Miss Worldi

2,5-3 supermodelli

463 metsikut nümfomaani

3 234 sitaks ilusat nümfomaani

20 198 multiorgastilist naist

40 197 biseksuaalset naist

Üldse on sinu käsutuses 64 294 palju kiimasemat, leidlikumat ja
kenamat naist kui see nõid, kes sul juba kodus olemas on. Kõige
vingem on see, et originaalsaadetis ei jõua kunagi sinu juurde
tagasi, garanteeritud.

HOIATUS!

Ära katkesta ketti!

Üks mees, kes seda tegi, sai oma naise tagasi, samas vanas öösärgis,
aga palju tigedamana, sest ta oli 3 nädalat pappkastis istunud.
Peale selle pidi mees saatma edasi sõbrale uue Supermodelli, kelle
ta just oli koju saanud.

Sa pead sellesse meili uskuma. See on parim võimalus parandada
seksivärki ilma kallite õhtusöökide ja mõttetute jutuajamisteta.

Praegu, kui mina seda kirja edasi saadan, on 6. mees nimekirjas
saanud juba 837 naist ja tal on garaazis veel 452 avamata kasti.